literature

5 Things to Do Before You Die- Phan

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My name is Daniel Howell and I have a job that’s not very conventional. I help people complete 5 tasks they want to do before they die. Most of my clients are old, going through a mid-life crisis or are dying of cancer; in fact all of my clients fall into one or more of these categories except one. His name is Philip Michael Lester, but he likes to just be called Phil. He is young, only a few years older than me, he is healthy and he if things go as planned for him, he won’t be dying for a long time. I asked him why he wanted to pay a fortune for me to help him do these things and he said it was because life’s short and you could die at any second. He picked up this philosophy after his brother died in a car accident the month before he came to me. This is the story of how I helped him tick off all 5 things on his list.

1. Go skydiving
We’re in the plane and about 2 minutes away from jumping. Phil looks really nervous but I’m calm, skydiving is always something people have on their lists.
“Don’t worry Phil, I’m probably the most accident prone guy ever and I haven’t died from doing this yet. I’ve skydived like 100 times.”
“Yeah but dying while trying to do things I want to do before I die is something that I can see myself doing.”
“Think of it like this: At least it’s an interesting way to die.”
“That doesn’t make me feel better.”
“You could be part of the 1% of people who die when they go skydiving.”
“Dan you’re making this sound horrible.”
“I’m joking, there’s nothing to worry about… Unless someone packed your parachute wrong.”
“Shut up!” The pilot is laughing at my jokes, I am too. It’s really fun scaring Phil. Phil is strapped to me, I’m a certified sky diving instructor and I would never give up the opportunity to get a fit guy strapped to me… That sounded wrong, ignore that. Oh god.
“We’re ready to jump in 30 seconds.” The pilot calls from the front. I open the door where we’ll be jumping from.
“10, 9, 8, 7, 6”
“You ready?”
“No.”
“3, 2, 1, JUMP!” I haul Phil and I out of the plane. He screams from the top of his lungs, obviously scared for his life. I took his wrists in my hands and spread them out, I then buried my head in his neck and whispered random things, he wouldn’t hear them but it will comfort him knowing that I’m just behind him. My comforting methods work and he stops screaming.
“See it’s not bad, it’s fun!” I yell at the top of my lungs to be heard over the sound of wind screaming past our ears. He just nods. I pull the string and release the chute. We slow down so we’re gliding to the ground as opposed to plummeting.  He starts laughing in glee and I laugh with him. It’s not too long before we hit the ground with a soft thud.

2. Ride an elephant
We’re at the zoo; I had to pull quite a few strings to get us in this position. If we were in a country like Thailand then this would be no problem, but we’re not. We’re in England where people actually care about animal cruelty. If I didn’t have the connections I did then this would be a nearly impossible list item, luckily for me the owner of this zoo had quite the midlife crisis last year. It’s very early morning, 6am to be precise; the zoo doesn’t open until 7. We’re outside the elephant enclosure and being given instructions about what we can and cannot do while on the elephant.
“Don’t stand up on the elephant, don’t kick the elephant, don’t bounce around on the elephant, don’t slap the elephant, don’t scream or yell or holler or whatever it is you kids do these days. Just sit still and talk quietly, got it?”
“Yep.”
“Yes, sir.” The elephant trainer then smiled at us.
“C’mon! Lets ride this elephant!” We are taken to a set of stairs that lead to the top of a platform. One of the vets leads the elephant over to us and stops just under the platform. The trainer climbs onto the elephants neck and we climb onto its back; Phil sits in front of me. The elephant starts walking and as it does Phil falls backwards into me. He makes a really cute ‘ah’ sound. I wrap my arms around his waist to steady him and we sit like that, him leaning into my chest and my hands wrapped around his waist, until the sun rises over the horizon and it’s time to go home.

3.  Dance in the streets
It’s 3am and the streets are empty, the lights in the lampposts are the only things making the world around us visible. I bow towards Phil and take his hand.
“May I have this dance?” I say in the most posh voice I can muster. Phil laughs and nods his head. I pull him closer to me and place one of my hands on his hips, my other hand remains in his. Phil puts his free hand on my shoulder.
“This is all very formal, don’t you think?”
“Formal is the best way to go on my opinion.”
“Indeed it is, but we have no music which we could ballroom dance to.”
“Who needs music?” I take two steps forward, two steps back, two steps to the right and spin him around. We continue to dance with no music; our laughter is the only noise punctuating the quiet night.

4. Fall in love
I look at Phil with a frown on my face.
“I’m sorry but I can’t help you do this…”
“You already did.”
“What?”
“I’ve fallen in love with you Dan.”
“Really?”
“I’m certain. I understand if you don’t feel the same way.”
“I love you too Phil.” Phil smiles and pulls me into a hug.
“That’s good to hear.” He whispers into my ear.
“What’s the last thing on the list?”

5. Kiss the man I love at least once in every country
I pull Phil into a soft kiss, it feels just as amazing as it did the first time all those years ago. We’re standing at the top of a snowy mountain in New Zealand, my lips are nearly blue from the cold but are being warmed quickly by Phil’s. We started checking off all the items on Phil’s bucket list about 10 years ago, and now we can finally tick off the last item. Phil and I have been to every country in the world, and kissed in every single one of them. We also got married when we went to America, I can tell you right now that we did a lot more than just kiss that night, if you know what I mean.  But I won’t go into any details. All you really need to know is that I love Phil, he loves me and we are extremely happy.
I have nothing to say about this
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