The Fall- Phan

Most people know when they’re in love.
They know it from the very moment they fall.
There is no way they can mistake those feelings for anything other than what they are.
For those people, love is definite.

Daniel Howell is not one of those people.
His descent started the very moment he met Phil, and he drifted so slowly and subtly that when he hit the ground he didn’t even know he had fallen.
Don’t take Dan’s soft landing to mean that his love is any less valid, he certainly fell, he just didn’t notice it.
And so Dan was able to continue his life as normal after the day he fell in love, as he felt no different to the day before.

Phil wasn’t so lucky.
When he fell, he fell fast and he fell hard.
He bears the scares of his harsh landing; the butterflies in his stomach when he saw Him smile, the electric shock when their hands brushed, the unbearable pain in his chest when he remembered that the other was so out of reach.
Phil’s fall left him wounded and unable to function for days, only finding solace in the arms of his best friend.

When Dan opened his bedroom door to find a crying Phil, he felt his heart break.
He didn’t find this odd.
He quickly threw his arms around Phil and held him tight, asking his what was wrong.
Dan felt his stomach drop when Phil told him he was in love with their neighbour.
Now this, Dan found odd.
He didn’t have time to question it though; he needed to look after Phil, and at some point during his mission to make Phil happy, he forgot about the emotion that had twisted his insides and made him see green.

Phil spent that night with Dan constantly by his side.
They talked, hugged, laughed and cried together, all in the pursuit to heal Phil’s broken heart.
Phil feels like the unluckiest person in the world, of course he would be the one to fall for the straight man with the beautiful girlfriend.
Then Dan hugs him again and he decides that no, he wasn’t the unluckiest person in the world, because he must be pretty damn lucky to have a friend like Dan.

Dan spends the rest of that week, and the better part of the next month, putting back together the pieces of Phil’s shattered heart, all the while cursing the world for making Phil feel pain.
It takes a while, but Dan fixes Phil so that his smiles are once again bright and real, making Dan unbelievably happy.
Dan didn’t think it was possible to miss a smile as much as he missed Phil’s.
He didn’t question it though, he never did.

The second time Phil fell was just as hard as the first, and how could it not be?
Phil felt like he had been blind and could now suddenly see.
She was so beautiful; he doesn’t know how he never noticed it before.
This love, of course, didn’t bloom instantly at first sight.
Oh no.
Phil and his love had been dating for months before the emotion reared its head.
Phil told her he loved her.
She said it back.

Dan can’t help but notice the hollow ache in his chest whenever Phil goes out.
Another thing Dan notices: that Phil doesn’t.
Dan can’t help but be a little bit angry that Phil doesn’t notice his pain, that he doesn’t notice the red eyes and false smiles.
If their roles were reversed, Dan knows he would have noticed.
Dan is also angry at himself, because he doesn’t know why he’s sad.
He doesn’t know he’s in love.
But Dan daren’t tell Phil about the feelings cutting into him like sharpened blades, Dan doesn’t want Phil to worry, because Phil is happy with her.
Happier than he’d ever been with Dan.

In the first months after the confessions of love, Phil and his girlfriend spent nearly everyday together.
Their love blossomed and grew with their hours in each other’s company.
After a while their relationship matured, their honeymoon period over and their new exciting love replaced by an older more stable one.
Phil was so madly in love that he bought a ring just after their one-year anniversary.
He was so certain she loved him just as much as he did her.
But he asked and she declined, saying her love had dwindled and gone out.
Phil left the empty park with tears glistening in his eyes.

The first thing Dan saw when Phil entered the lounge room was the ring, and his world stopped.
One of the many thoughts that had raced through his mind was, this is it, he is leaving me, and soon he’ll be gone.
But then Dan’s eyes travelled to Phil’s tear streaked cheeks and blood shot eyes, the only words leaving the others mouth being: She said no.
Dan quickly jumped up and comforted Phil, just like he had last time he fell in love.
Dan’s previous anger dissipated and there was nothing on his mind other than helping Phil.
This heartbreak took Dan six months to heal.

The third time Phil fell in love, he wasn’t surprised in the slightest.
His fall not like the others in the fact that this love was absolute.
He knew that after this, there is no more.
This is his last.
Because after Phil fell for those gorgeous brown eyes and adorably dimpled smile, he knew there was no going back.
He didn’t cry as he had with the first, nor did he make an elaborate confession as he had with the second.
This time, he simply leaned in and kissed him.

Dan isn’t like everyone else.
When Dan fell in love, he didn’t fall hard; he floated down to the earth like a feather in the wind.
Dan didn’t know he was in love.
And so when Phil’s lips pressed softly against his own, Dan kissed him back, because he wanted to, because he needed to, because it felt right.
Because he finally realised he was in love.