literature

BFFL's- Phan

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Dan and Phil are best friends and have been for the better part of 8 years. Now, they are both turning 17 and have entered into their second last year of school before university.
Their friendship is a rare one, they can make each other laugh from just one word, they always know how to cheer each other up when one of them is down, they can finish each others sentences, they know everything about the other person, they can even talk without saying anything (a skill developed when they were in year 5 and got separated by the teacher).  
The majority of the student body in their school think that they are secretly boyfriends, people who don’t think that think they are openly together.
When told this, they both just laughed, stating:

“True friendships always come with homoerotic undertones, you’re not best friends with someone until other people think you’re gay for each other.”

When questioned further, Dan said:

“Of course I’m gay for Phil! Just look at him! He’s so hot, I’d go there any day.”

To which Phil replied:

“If you want me, you can have me, just give me the time and the place and I’m there.”

After this the boys both laughed so hard they were practically crying, and no one ever bothered to ask them about their relationship again.

+++

It started as a joke.
After a day out shopping with Dan, Phil had eaten a kinder surprise egg. The toy inside was an alien/robot thing, which Phil named Dylan. Phil put Dylan in the locker he shared with Dan. Now, the way Dylan was standing was with one hand on his hip, the other pointing forwards, and he was winking. He looked like he was saying something encouragingly.
So naturally, underneath Dylan, Phil placed a note that said, “I like your attitude”.
When Dan saw this, he laughed really hard, and then decided to reply.

You’re a cool kid.

After this, it became a kind of game, every morning Phil would put a new note in the locker, and every afternoon Dan would reply.

You are just fantastic.

You look absolutely fabulous today.

You’re so smart, everyone else seems stupid.

You’re the nicest person I know.

You’re as handsome as you are tall.

You’re the greatest person to ever exist.

You are an extremely talented individual.

You’re hair is looking amazing today.

You’re laugh could cure cancer.

You’re so sweet, you give people diabetes.


The notes went on like this for weeks, and with every new note, the boy’s friendship grew stronger. Every time they read a new note, they would smile and write a note back that was just as nice. As the weeks went on, the boys had to think harder and harder about the things they liked about the other, as they didn’t want to repeat the same thing twice. It’s no surprise that they soon developed feelings for each other. The notes then took on a whole new meaning.

Your smile is perfect.

Your eyes are the most beautiful things in the world.

You make me happy simply by existing.

You being around makes everything better.

You’re my favourite person in the entire world.

You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.


The notes were no longer funny. They were used to convey how they felt about each other, and what they felt went beyond a simple crush. They didn’t tell each other how they felt; they convinced themselves that it’s just a phase, that the other doesn’t feel the same. Deep down though, they knew full well that they would end up together.

As summer drew closer, they were both preparing for holidays. Dan was going to stay home; Phil was going away to America with his family. When Phil left, he left a week before school was out, leaving Dan alone with a locker full of notes. Dan didn’t stop writing though.

You deserve this trip to America.

You deserve the world.

School was better with you by my side, just like everything else.

I miss you so much it hurts.

I love you.


On Friday, just after he’d written the last note, he ripped it up. He also ripped up all the other notes he’d written that week, and replaced them with:

School is bearable now that you’re back.

He put it in the locker, under Dylan just like all the others, and left the school grounds to spend his summer holiday alone, waiting for Phil to come back.

+++

When Phil got back from America, he told Dan all about his adventures abroad while Dan joked about all the nothing he did. They fell back together as if they were never apart. First day back at school, Phil saw the note, and then smiled like crazy all day.

+++

A month after coming back from break, one of Phil’s friends excitedly told him that someone had a crush on him.

“Who?”

“I’m not gonna tell you, I promised I wouldn’t.”

“Please?”

“All you need to know is that he’s crazy about you, he talks about you non-stop.”

“So we’re friends?”

“Yep. You two would seriously make the cutest couple, I told him to ask you out, but he’s too nervous.”

“Oh my god, just tell me who!”

“Nope.”

Phil pouted and gave his friend puppy dog eyes.

“Don’t look at me like that! Don’t worry, he’ll ask you out soon. You better say yes, you two would be really good together.”

Phil just sighed while his friend giggled and walked away. Phil couldn’t help but hope that it was Dan who had a crush on him.

In the end, Phil decided not to tell Dan about his supposed admirer. He just waited until he was asked out.

That was about a week later.

+++

Phil would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little bit disappointed when the guy who asked him out wasn’t Dan, but he still said yes.
He doesn’t know why he said yes, he doesn’t like Luke like that, but it was just so sudden and unexpected his brain wasn’t working, and the way his eyes lit up when Phil said yes, he didn’t have the heart to take it back.
He’ll end it later, just let Luke be happy for a little while.
So he went on a date with Luke.
And then another.
And another.
And then they were boyfriends and Phil didn’t know how to break up with Luke so he just went along with it.
He still didn’t tell Dan, he just felt so awkward about it.

In the end, Dan didn’t find out until a week later when he saw Phil and Luke kissing in the hallway. Dan felt crushed.
He didn’t know what hurt more: The fact that Phil has a boyfriend, or that Phil didn’t bother to tell him.
Probably the former.
Definitely the former.

It goes without saying that the notes stopped. Phil felt guilty because he had a boyfriend. Dan felt sad because he knew that Phil didn’t mean what he wrote.

+++

After three weeks, the boy’s friendship reached an all time low where they only spoke once a day at school, and not at all on the weekends. Phil was always with Luke, and Dan started to get the feeling that Phil didn’t want to hang out with him anymore.
It is said that primary school friendships don’t last.
Maybe Dan was a fool for believing his friendship with Phil would be any different.
Phil didn’t feel like that at all. He was still certain that he and Dan would be friends forever, and maybe even more than that one day.
These thoughts always made Phil feel guilty, he had a boyfriend, he shouldn’t still want Dan.
Maybe what he shouldn’t have done was agree to be Luke’s boyfriend.

Phil wasn’t dumb, he could feel Dan slipping further and further away. In an attempt to get him back, Phil started saying no to hanging out with Luke every recess and lunchtime, instead opting to spend those times with Dan, only hanging out with Luke every second lunchtime. Phil also started saying he couldn’t hang out with Luke every single weekend, and Sunday became Dan-day.

+++

It was a month later when Phil found Dylan and all the notes buried under a lot of junk at the back of the locker. Smiling at the plastic toy, Phil moved it to the front of the locker and wrote a note for Dan.

I value your friendship.

And so the tradition of the notes was reborn, and Dan and Phil were as close as ever.

+++

Two months passed before Phil and Luke’s inevitable breakup. Luke accused Phil of not caring about him; Phil admitted that he didn’t feel the same way anymore.
He didn’t mention the fact that he never felt that way about Luke.
That would be too mean for Phil.

When Dan found out about the breakup by way of rumour, he had been told that Luke broke up with Phil after a big fight and that it was really harsh.
Of course this was completely untrue, and the breakup had been very tame and very mutual, if anything, Phil broke up with Luke.

But Dan didn’t know this, so he left a note for Phil saying:

You’re too good for him, you deserved better anyway.

When Phil read the note, he smiled and blushed, and then informed Dan that he was fine and the breakup wasn’t bad at all. Dan hugged him anyway, and Phil certainly didn’t complain.

+++

You’re the best person I know.

You mean more to me than the world.

Your presence is like a drug, and I’m hooked.

A day without you is a day wasted.

I think I’m in love with you.

I know I’m in love with you.


+++

After the last two notes came the weekend, and both boys were too nervous to call each other.

The next time they saw each other was on Monday, when they both showed up at the locker at the same time.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

They both looked at the ground, and a light blush covered Dan’s cheeks.

“So…”

“Yeah…”

“Do you...?”

“Mhmm.”

“Okay.”

Dan smiled at Phil, leaned forward and kissed him. It was only a light peck on the lips, but it made both boys blush furiously and giggle. It was Phil who then initiated a real kiss, by putting one hand on Dan’s lower back and another behind his head, and then pulled him forward. When they broke apart again, they simply smiled at each other.

From that moment on, their relationship was never the same, but that’s a good thing, because it became better.
I was in Kalbarri all week this week, and whilst away I wrote 2 things. This is the first of those things.
It's not very good but oh well.
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