Dan woke up with a smile on his face, thinking about the night before.
Phil looked at him, his eyes dark with lust.
“Phil, why are you looking at me like tha-“ Dan was cut off by Phil crashing his lips into Dan’s. Dan was surprised but soon melted into the kiss; he’d been fantasizing about kissing those lips since the moment he first laid eyes on them. Phil started to nibble on Dan’s bottom lip, asking to be let into his mouth. Dan happily complied, opening his mouth and letting out a moan as he felt Phil’s tongue explore. Phil grabbed onto Dan’s waist, pulling their bodies closer as Dan tangled his fingers in Phil’s dark hair. The boy’s stumbled backwards and fell onto the couch, their lips never disconnecting. They continued on like this before slowly ridding each other of clothes and engaging in a passionate lovemaking session, then falling asleep in each other’s arms.
Dan turned his head to the man sleeping beside him, marveling at how beautiful he is. Phil’s eyes fluttered open, looking at Dan with a confused look on his face before he remembered the night before. Phil’s eyes shot open and he swiftly pushed Dan away from him. Dan gave a startled yelp.
“Phil! What are you do-“
“That can never happen again!”
Dan was shocked, after last night, Dan thought that the feelings he had for Phil were mutual. Dan stared at Phil, his confusion clear on his face.
“I was drunk, it was a mistake, I was horny and you were putting out!”
Dan could feel his heart being squeezed and ripped out of his chest. Tears were pricking the back of his eyes, threatening to come out. His breath was caught in his throat, stuck behind the words he wanted to say but refused to come out.
“A m-mistake?” Dan finally managed to choke out, his voice cracking at the last word.
“Yes, a mistake! I’m not gay! I couldn’t possibly love you!” With that, Phil stormed into his bedroom, leaving Dan sitting on the floor of their lounge room. Dan’s face fell as his body slumped to the ground. The tears he was trying to keep at bay finally being released, Dan’s chest heaving with the power of his sobs. Dan was truly broken; the first and only person he has ever loved will never love him back.
Phil sat in his room, his face in his hands. He could hear Dan’s crying and it was breaking Phil’s heart. Phil wanted to run to Dan, hug him, kiss him, and comfort him. But he wouldn’t, that would mean admitting his love for Dan. Phil knew that he’d never be able to do that.
Dan crouched in the corner of the bathroom, razor at hand. He cut a single word into his right forearm, making sure it scarred. He knew this word would stay with him forever, something about himself that would never change. He started to feel faint as more and more blood seeped out of his arm. He laid his head on the ground, looking at the word that will forever be carved in his arm and on his mind. He fell unconscious thinking of this word.